Mekong Red

I daydream far too much for someone who has much work to do. In my daydreams, I often think about the future, and in this future I have already achieved all my goals. Its fun to think about this, to pine for a better life, but while I'm sating myself with delusions, there's a reality and a present that I am walking away from and each time I dream, I feel a piece of myself peeling away along with my future, neglecting my present self, left stuck in time, forever dreaming of what I want to be, but never moving forward.

I've declared it. A war against day-dreaming.

No more shall I be shackled from my future by my own mind, every time I start thinking about my future, it'll be about action! Plans to achieve that future rather than the imaginations of a false one.

But... maybe later, I've still got to do these exams.

Though I have been labouring under the delusion that university is over, I still have two exams in exactly 10 and 12 days. To be honest, I've stopped caring all too much, or at least I am in intense negotiations with my brain to stop caring about these exams and just do revision without any stress or pressure.

It becomes more difficult however, when you open up your OneNote and realise that not only have you only attended six lectures total for both modules across the whole semester, all the weeks you did attend have effectively zero notes.

I thought, okay, I watch two lecture recordings and make notes every day and that gives me surplus time to practice previous essay questions.

May 1st goes by like a blur. No work done.

May 2nd, I realise I need to lock in, I start to feel the pressure, but I successfully suppress it and try to nonchalantly (but studiously) watch previous lecture recordings. When did my phone appear in my hand and when did Northernlion get onto my second monitor?

Things aren't working as they should. Look, I know I said I don't care anymore, but that doesn't mean I want a bad grade. I need a new strategy, and OneNote just ain't cutting it, I spend the better half of the day figuring out how to rudimentarily use obsidian to study with.

I decide the lecture recordings aren't worth it and use the slides to revise, they basically just read off it anyways.

It worked! I actually got work done, and it's so much easier! I can assign definitions to words, and hover over them to see them, the UI is so much better and everything just looks less cluttered and so much more cleaner, where the hell was this, all the years before? This is when I find it? On the last two exams of my university career?

I'd like to get back into writing again, and I mean creative writing rather than inane ramblings plucked from the dome. Maybe once this university thing is truly done for good, I'll give it an honest go. I want to write a novel before I die, at least one. Not that I plan on dying, but you know.