With the start of the new month, I've been very relaxed recently and I'm letting the August in my mind go.

I think I'll stop trying to meet new people and instead focus on the people who I actually know instead of strangers, just to arbitrarily improve conversational skills that will come as I live life. That and also that I am in severe aura debt from all awkward interactions I've had.

I'm not liking the vibe of the blog posts from last month and I blame it mostly on having just far too much free-time. All I do all day is think and my thoughts are melting into one thoughtless blob that churns out thoughts as excess. I’ve never been here before. No school to anchor myself on, not even an arbitrary education goal. I can't even make the most out of this free time by relaxing, everyday that passes and I’m not working or frantically looking for a job drags on me. When I finished my final exam, I thought I would enter vacation mode and spend my time relaxing maybe even too much, instead I'm on unemployed mode, and I'm woefully unequipped and now I'm trying too hard to make up for it.

Another thing for the new month is that I've been articulating too much of my thoughts to compensate for years of having no online presence and its making me uncomfortable, especially because I feel like its feeding into the negativity. I won’t delete any posts because I do think its worthwhile to have them exist and the good thing with posting so much is that the all the tiny grains of sand get lost in the desert.

It isn't even that I'm talking about my feelings or how I feel, its that all I ever talk about nowadays are my problems, what ails me, what makes me feel bad, its all just venting and I'm getting sick of it. I'm sick of constantly repeating things, regurgitating woes I've written about before, I haven't talked about the things I enjoy in a long time and I miss that.

There was a user here on neocities by the name of labyrinth-limbo whose page I used to admire for just how open and honest their blog could be, but I think I just don't have the stones for it. I post at night because that means I can go to sleep and wake up in anxious anticipation, both hoping that somebody has read it and that nobody has read it. Maybe one day I'll be more comfortable though.