Mekong Red

I'm not a spend-an-hour-in-bed-scrolling-on-my-phone-when-I-wake-up kinda guy, I'm a get-up-and-go kinda guy, and by get up and go, I mean I get up and spend an hour scrolling on my phone while going on the toilet.

My bad for that, it just appeared in my mind and I had to get it out, I blame northernlion.

At night I do what I call gallivanting, where I pace back and forth in my living room downstairs, mindlessly scrolling on my phone, listening to music or kicking a ball. At the very least while I'm slopmaxxing, I'm getting my steps in. By the way, I'm writing this just as I finished gallivanting.

Its not all bad though, a lot of good ideas and thinking come from gallivanting, but it does also mean I sleep at least an hour later than I really should be.

I've been sleeping at 4 am everyday since my last lecture. Its bad, life just doesn't feel real. I don't feel human, I don't do anything, I just exist.

I gotta get outside more. Maybe tomorrow I'll go on a walk, matter of fact, I will.

The Sun has set on the penultimate semester of my final year. The end is nearly there. In 6 months, I will have finished all my lectures and exams and all this will finally be over.

This semester, I've met some new people, though admittedly I do struggle keeping up with them and some I've only talked to once, exchanged instas and never spoke to them again, but some I do think are friendships. Thinking about the future, how do you make friends after university? Especially people my age, once university is gone, where the hell do I go? What do I do? I guess for now, I'll be grateful for the ones I have, and hope to make new ones while I'm still here.

Perhaps the biggest thing that happened to me this semester is that I took the leap and started submitting works of writing to my university's creative arts magazine. Who woulda thought, me?? Well... Yes! A fruitful semester I suppose. I did create it 3 hours before the deadline, and when I submitted it, I hated it, but seeing it formatted definitely got me smiling.

I've been doodling and drawing since I started back in the hospital all those months ago, these past couple of months I've just been trying to draw whatever I see and whatever I think looks cool. I even bought a sketchbook, but I mostly just use it for practice. I want to draw cool things but don't have the skills to draw them so I try to practice but when I practice I'd just rather draw the cool things... Well, everything in moderation I suppose.

I spent this day doing nothing, like many days before this one. Yet today, I feel no guilt.

I am free, only for a second, but all the combined love in the world has aligned just for this one second.

And I will squander it away, and I will be contempt because today, my bed feels nice, my coffee tastes good, and the rain sounds nice and peaceful as it hits the window in my room.